My brother

I was inspired by my brother to dedicate today’s post to him. Here are some of the funny things my brother has said over the years.

Me: “Did you just fart?”

My brother: “Dude, why are you freaking out about it? A fart is nature’s candy. It’s like an invisible raisin.”

My brother has said while talking to a stoner during a game of cornhole.

My brother: “Hey, you going pick up the sack?”

(The stoner just looks down at the ground)

My brother: “No, not your nut sack, the sack on the ground by your feet.”


My brother: “If anyone every hurts Jamie I’m going to get a pair of plyers, a box of matches and a candle.”

Me: “What are you going to do with that?”

My brother: “I don’t know but it sounds gruesome.”


My brother: “So, I had sex with an Eskimo last night.”

Me: “Really?”

My brother: “Yeah, she lives in my building and is on some exchange program down here.”


My brother: “I got an HJ from this Chinese girl in my program last night.”

Me: “Well, that’s good.”

My brother: “Yeah, she asked me why Americans had such big penises and then said that compared to one she saw in a dirty movie it was just ‘so so.’”